How will I show up at TEDx?

If there has ever been a time for me to be wary of perfectionism and the imposter complex, it’s now! Last week I was invited to speak at Katoomba’s TEDx conference, to share how I connect with my creative flow. 

This news gave rise to days of contrasting thoughts and emotions. They ranged from feeling excited and honoured, to the uncomfortable sensation of butterflies colliding in my belly.

I was tempted to imagine myself bombing out and being embarrassed – of not being good enough. 

Had I entertained these fears for long, I might have turned down the opportunity in favour of staying within my comfort zone. The irony was not lost on me, that I often write to you about taking risks, showing up authentically and with vulnerability. Suddenly I felt the enormity of this idea anew.

As I started preparing my talk’s narrative arc on Friday, I recalled how earlier in my life I would sometimes be crippled by the belief that a painting needed to somehow say everything.  A brutal critic, this perfectionism drove me to strive for an impossible, unreachable standard. The risk of achieving less than a perfect outcome at times defeated my desire to create at all. 

Another voice would occasionally chime in with words like, “Who do you think you are anyway? People will see through this…” These accusations of being an imposter also served to freeze me in my tracks.

So, what can I say about how I’m going to embrace this challenge without falling into a heap of self-doubt and terror? How will I manage to write and deliver a talk at TEDx knowing the stakes?

The answer I believe applies to any creative task. It is to keep coming back to my purpose, my longing and my desire. And that is, to share my story with others in the hope that it will help them to access their creativity and therefore their joy. To inspire hope and confidence where before there was uncertainty, to guide others into practices that will enable them to access their innate creative ability – that is my goal. And the great thing is, there’s no one perfect way to do that, nor only one right person.

With that in mind, I am launching into completing this daunting task and I invite you to come along for the ride. I will be speaking on Friday 30 June in Katoomba and again at my exhibition, Passages in Sydney on Saturday 15th July at 3 pm.

I would love you to join me on one or even both occasions. The first release of the TEDx tickets is available for sale from 10 am this morning. Please don't hesitate if you're keen to attend, as tickets are very limited.

In addition, you may notice that I have postponed the workshops and the retreat that were scheduled for May to July. Bookings are open for the new dates and thank you to those of you who graciously changed your plans to accommodate this rescheduling.

I leave you with these beautiful and thought-provoking words from Mary Oliver, 

“When it's over, I want to say: all my life
 I was a bride married to amazement.
 I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

 When it is over, I don't want to wonder
 if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
 I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
 or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.”