Sometimes being an artist seems crazy.
The past few weeks have been exhausting, filled with challenging and sometimes downright terrible moments. Have there been high points? Yes some, but typical of riding a rollercoaster, they were fleeting and gave way quickly to the spine-tingling descent on the other side.
It can feel impossible to balance creating paintings with integrity, freshness and ingenuity while also doing all the other ‘business’ of art practice and meeting my adult life responsibilities.
At times like this I choose to have faith. I have faith in my hand and my heart every time I paint. I trust the years of mark making, of perceiving shape and colour to inform my decisions on the canvas. I choose to believe that my judgment counts for something, even when a doubting voice inside me chimes ‘who do you think you are?’
When I hear this accusation, I try to remember that it is certainty, not doubt that dispenses with trust. It's okay for me to experience both doubt and faith. Both are only real when there's uncertainty.
So with my heart on the line as my Hobart exhibition goes on the walls, with paintings still to finish for my show in Melbourne, uncertainty and doubt are looming, but I choose to pick up my brushes and have faith. Will you take this wild ride with me?
All Stillness, Oil on Board, 30 x 30cm